djordje's · 'net · based · journal...

...just dealing with alot of shite right now.

...a wandering nun, eh? - you all thought I was going to say bitch. Everyone that knows me in-real life would have placed mone on it.

However, I had a great simple night!

In all honesty I am the happiest I have ever been in all my life...I fell in love completely with the greatest young women in the world!

As I continue my studies in the Culinary Arts still remaining in this hellish place known as Indiana. I have time to ponder things. While there is no really Coffee House, Cafe, or, Tea House to speak of anywhere within each reach, I find myself thinking of times spent in places back in Bellingham.

It seems to me that, Coffee (and to a lesser extent tea) has now become a hobbie. The movement of myself and other javahead's is not unlike others before us. Instead of doing the "Coacktail" and "Wine and Dine" we are rather inclinded to eat a good meal and travel to a shop for a good cup-o-joe. Though most of the time forgoing the food and go straight to the coffee or a spot-o-tea.

Any thoughts?

...well a new OLD laptop, but, whatever, I have an iBook agian...I am happy...

"...Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign...".

...

For a moment there, I lost myself...

You Know You're From Philadelphia When...

You punctuate every sentence with, "You know" at least twice. You want olive oil, not mayonnaise on your "hoagie". You hate the Redskins You hate Dallas. You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice". You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking long-distance to family members. You know how to spell Schuylkill. You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME". You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain. You find youself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?" You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens. You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is. You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz. You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone "jimmies". You don't think Wawa sounds funny. You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll. Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block. You know who Jim O'Brien is and how he died. You can't imagine lunch without a Tastycake. You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli. A vacation at the Jersey shore (pronounced "Down the shoore") is better than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.) You know where to find the Rocky statue. You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks. You only go if you're drunk and it's 3:00 a.m. You can make a cheese steak and you've never been taught You've never been to the Liberty Bell, or the only time you were there was on a class trip in third grade. You know what and where "Boathouse Row" is You will buy a pretzel from anyone, anywhere without even thinking of where it was - or where his hands have been. You can't imagine a breakfast without scrapple. You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE. You aren't a bandwagon Sixers fan�you loved them when they sucked, and before they had A.I. You go to The Gallery or South Street in the summer time just to chill. You have the pizza place on speed dial. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Philadelphia.

You Know You're From Allentown, PA When...

You have your friends from other cities come to visit and they hear gun shots and you shrug it off like its no big deal...in fact you didn't even hear them until you friend pointed it out. While you're driving and stop at a red light, the people on all sides of you have the bass turned up so high on their radios your windows start to shake You get cravings for hoagies, shoo fly pie, and pierogies Friendlys is considered the place to "be" with all your friends and your always there no matter what time of day or night. When it snows you put chair's in your parking spot after you've dug it out so ur stupid neighbors don't steal it from you while your gone. You see people outside "chillin" on their porches at all hours of the night but during the day its quiet and peaceful You walk down the street and a car slows down by you and you hear "hey ma!, How ya doin? Holla atcha boy!" and you keep walking and the people in the car yell back "it's aiight you still beautiful!" You hear that snow's coming and you know that you most likely won't have school the next day or will have a school delay even if there's barely any accumulation or its mixed with rain You can name all the high schools in the city. Yup that's right all of them, you know the 2 public ones (Dieruff and Allen) and the only private one (Central). You call your group of friends "Da gang". You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE. You can walk to everything, inculding the supermaket due to how close it is. When you get bored you go the corner store and see what's going on there and who's killed who. You school is in the middle of drug/killing infested areas and it's right across from a hospital. The local Jordan Creek has pot growing around it naturally along with shopping carts and air conditioners. You live off of A-Treat soda You don't think Wawa sounds funny You pronounce the word horrible as harrable You think Tastycakes are the best thing You realize that besides going to the movies and places to eat Allentown really has nothing great to offer, not to the youth anyway. You refer to Allentown as A-Town When and IF you graduate from high school you leave for college in another state or go as far from Allentown as possible. Everyone you meet is Ghetto even that rich white kid. You think going to Walmart at 3 in the morning is the most fun thing to do ever You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius. You have ever ended a sentence with "a while". Ex. "You know it happens every once and a while." You think Fasnacht Day and Groundhog Day are national holidays. You know that "long johns" are something you eat, not something you wear "Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting. You know how to pronounce Schuylkill and other weird names like that. You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Allentown.

You Know You're From Pittsburgh When...

"Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting. You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius. You know the location of the following towns, know someone from them and have spent time there: Monongahela, Altoona, Bethlehem, Ligonier, Harmony, and Wilmerding. You've memorized lines from the movie "Flashdance". If you're a guy, your biggest fear is seeing your best friend drive into the "fruit loop". You're second biggest fear is seeing him drive out with Kordel Stewart. If you're a girl, you're biggest fear is getting hit on by a hairy-chested man, heavily weighted in gold chains, who refers to his friends as "junior" at Chauncey's. Your latest cultural experience: On your way to partying at Slippery Rock University, having to stop your car to let the Amish buggy cross the street. As your out-of-town friends brag about their latest trips to Europe, you think to yourself, "Polish Hill will suffice." You eat out at least once a week at a mafia-owned Italian pizza parlor. Your father has worked for the same company for over 20 years. You don't see what all the hype is about Disney World when Kennywood is just around the corner. You're having a hard time on where to take your date out for dinner and a night on the town: - "meat on a stick" in the south side and the guzzling IC Light at Jack's... Or splitting an order of "O fries" and guzzling IC Light at Peter's Pub. " N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence. You've taken deliberate field trips to the Andy Warhol museum. You water ski on the Youghiogheny River Lake. You feel the only good bands out there are Donny Iris, Joe Grushecky, The Blue Oyster Cult, and of course.... Rusted Root. You're more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own. You own more than one original Terrible Towel. You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock beer. You've been drinking it for years, although Penn Pilsner is better. You consider a great vacation a trip to Conneaut Lake or Lake Erie. For something a little more exotic, a trip to the Jersey shore. You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's. For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing... You have 101 favorite recipes for kolbasi and sauerkraut. Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; and gumband actually mean something to you. You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye. You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside. You often go down to the "crick". You have to "red up", before company comes over. You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush". You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state. You've ever "warshed" or "wershed" the laundry. You know you can't drive too fast on back roads,cause-udda-deer. You've drank an "Arn" . You've told someone to "quit jaggin around". You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns. You've called someone a 'jaggoff'. You hear "you guyses", or "yins" and don't think twice. You hate Cleveland, although you've never been there. You drink "pop", eat "hoagies", pierogies, and gyros(jy-rows). You know what a still mill is. You can find Zillionopal on a map. You go 'food shoppin' at 'Jine Iggle'. You believe that "Ize" is the abbreviaton for "I was. You know someone from 'Sliberty, E-sliberty, or Wesliberty. You know the Pittsburgh Zoo is in 'Hilinpark' and have been there for school field trips. You know what is meant by "The Point". Chipped ham was always in your refrigerator when you were growing up. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pittsburgh.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, V-DAY SUCKS!
Been awhile, well today went very well; Gym, get stoned, eat, clean room, write paper, get stoned, fix selves, get stoned...aswome. Anyway, I love getting things all organized, espically in my room.

Classes are going well, though I am a little behind on my Art History work, but, I will make it up this Sunday, so not a bad thing. I found an Opiate/oid Analysis that I found intresting and similar to my own point-of-view, here it is...
Heroin- My favorite. Easiest on the body, no nausea, no "come down" (not pertaining to withdrawl sickness). Incredible dreams, pleasurable itching, most respiratory depression. Euphoria feels natural rather than forced. Feels like what happiness should feel like naturally. Best method of consumption: Any, really (although I should say that anything besides injection is a waste).

Morphine- You know how it feels to get a massage while slightly drunk? You have a slight body high, and your muscles ache and burn, but in an extremely pleasurable way. Take that feeling, intensify it by a hell of a lot, shoot it up, and you've got morphine. Morphine doesn't make it so you can't feel any pain- you don't get numb like some of the others (maybe it's just me, but I've scratched the FUCK out of myself on lots of codeine and percocet)- it makes you absolutely apathetic to the pain. I actually enjoy what would otherwise be painful sensations on morphine. Best method of consumption: Injection! I personally don't like it orally- the effect seems completely different to me, and incomparable.

Hydrocodone- Doesn't last long enough. Nausea is easily ameliorated by lying down. Small amounts can be extremely effective on an empty stomach, and unlike some of the others, doing this won't cause too many unwanted side effects. Best method of consumption: chewing/swallowing.

Darvon- Similar to hydrocodone but weaker and more sedating. Best method of consumption: chewing/swallowing

Oxycodone- Gives me a really wierd feeling in my stomach- a strange rising feeling. I can't quite describe it, but I don't like it. It kind of feels like my insides have been replaced by a washing machine or something. Nausea is the worst. It doesn't get better after lying down. Itching is killer. Takes wayyy too long to kick in, even if chewed- perhaps that's why I've experienced so many negative side effects from this one- by the time the effects of the first dose are kicking in, I've usually already screwed myself over by ingesting too many. Oxycodone also gives me a hangover- I usually end up with a pretty bad headache. Too sedating- can't appreciate the euphoria. Withdrawl is HELL HELL HELL. I've used these to kick heroin, and frankly, I think that kicking oxycodone was worse. The pain comes back with an absolute vengeance, especially if you have a problem with chronic pain. Best method of consumption: chewing.

Oxycontin- XR factor is good for kicking. OCs won't get me high unless the XR is obliterated by crushing/snorting crushing/injecting. OC's feel kind dirty, whereas heroin feels smooth and pure. I'm not talking about the actual purities of the drugs- of course street heroin is going to be adulterated and pharmaceuticals are going to be pure, or close to pure...I'm talking about the feeling that comes with the drug. If this doesn't make sense, don't ask. I can't explain it. Best method of consumption: swallowing.

Fentanyl- I don't have too much experience with this one. My experience was one of accident- I thought it was heroin, had a mini-od and woke up rather dazed several hours later. From what I can remember, it was very similar to heroin...except I kept "forgetting" to breathe. All of a sudden I would gasp for air, and realize that I hadn't been...breathing. Heroin stabilizes my breathing- I go into heavy, steady yogic-type breathing often, which I quite enjoy. Fentanyl was a little too strong for me. Best method of consumption: I can't say, I don't have enough experience. I snorted it.

Hydromorphone- I've only had dilaudid once, very nice. Smooth. I don't have much to say due to lack of experience.

Codeine- Extremely weak. Not really worth discussing.

I'm going to cut the list off here, even though I've left out lots and lots- I have to wrap things up so I can start outlining a term paper.

Benefits of opiates- I lost interest in ALL other drugs, with the exception of those taken for spiritual purposes. Even when I'm clean, I still have no interest in other drugs. The thought of alchohol makes me gag. Stimulants sound utterly unappealing to me. I have no interest in sex (which in my view, is a plus). When I'm in an opiate "womb", I feel as though I can stretch time to my liking- I have my own little bubble of time and I have learned the art of sustaining a high. Also- I don't think I've been sick (other than my chronic health problems, and withdrawl) in 2 years. I never get colds or flus. Somebody with mono could probably spit in my mouth and nothing adverse would happen.

Downfalls- Addiction- I can't remember the last time that I actually got high. I remember the first time that I did the usual amount and did not get the usual response. I felt abandoned- and flipped out. That's the beginning of tolerance. After a while, you lose the feeling that originally made you fall in love with the drug, and continue doing it anyway. Tolerance builds, and the drug is not even enjoyable anymore- in fact, you can feel your body getting sick because you are doing too much- yet too much is not nearly enough. Withdrawl sickness- gets worse with each kick. I honestly cannot stand my CNS going into overdrive at the same time my bones have decided they hate me so much they are going to try to climb right out of my skin. Lower back pain, twitching, hallucinations, hot flashes, NIGHTMARES, suicidal feelings, oh and did I mention the horrible lower back pain that is unlike any other lower back pain you have experienced?....No, no, and NO it's not like the flu. Maybe the first time or so...but with a real habit...no! Perhaps I'm just a weakling...but I don't know if I could go through that again unless I was under anesthesia (waissman method, anyone?).

Additional notes- I think that I fell in love with heroin even before I had tried it. Something pulled me towards the lifestyle- opiates have such a....personality. I always end up getting along with other opiate users- heroin users in particular. Opiates don't seem to be something everyone can appreciate- they are an aquired taste- and I admittedly relish in the fact that not everybody "gets" it. Opiates are satisfaction, satisfaction is death...opiates aquaint a person with death...opiates make death the most safe, beautiful place one has ever seen. This is just my take on it...I'm sure I could go on and on and on, just as any other afficionado of opiates can, given the opportunity.

...I do love methadon/dolp. though it is not listen, and Vic/Perc off and on, owe methadone how I wish I had you now...will post later.

[B]Random Playlist;[/B] [I]CC's Mix 17: What was that, mr cat?![/I]
Scarlet Begonias - Sublime
What if God was one of us - Alanis Morisette
Some Kind Of A Swinger - Ann Magnuson
Walking Shade - Billy Corgan
Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode
Novocaine for the Soul Eels
Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy
Strange Little Girl - Tori Amos
Last Dance With Mary Jane - Tom Petty
Undone - The Sweater Song - Weezer
Jesus Christ Was An Only Child - Modest Mouse
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
King Of Carrot Flowers Part 1 - Neutral Milk Hotel
You Know You Are Right - Nirvana
C-C-C-Cinnamon Lips - Ok Go
English Summer Rain - Placebo
Creep - Radiohead
One More Cup Of Coffee - White Stripes
Orange Crush - REM

You know, I find it odd that in my life I need something to focus, or rather, be my foci for me work, go to school in a productive manner. Over the years I have used many different substances, though in the end I always come back to ethier mild pain-killers (like vic/perc) or herb.

All the drugs, as well as, drinking I have doneI have come to the conclusion that herb is not a drug; "How can something with no recorded deaths be illegal?" Now, the pill use is drug use, I do wish I could stop using them for recreation and use them only as needed, however, I seem to be lacking in that area of will-power.

It's odd, even though I am now 21, I don't drink. Sure I will go get a micro or import and relax with it, wine with friends - I rather have a couple of hits and call it a night.

I work much better when i go to class stoned, study stoned, work stoned, ect. I find it rather dumb myself, but, it is the truth. My grades reflex this. And so this shall be an ongoing battle. Though, last guater I had a 2.6 GPA - not to bad for an ex-drugjunkie, someone who took 3quaters off. My grades now are currently all A's which is reall nice considering I have a month before mid-terms.

This in itself is two-fold though. As during pre-midterm time I will be back in B'ham with everyone going to Bronwyn's wedding. However, I am not stressing to much about that, I am stressing more on the fact of a plane-ticket and money when I get there.

However, if things go as planned then in a week or so, I am going to have a grand that I can pay back in two-years...gotta love it. I cannot wait to meet-up with my ex-neighbors - how have since moved, I, Matt, CC, and B and her man. As well as everyone else; good herb, local coffee, local beer, good friends, and ethnic food! Hell ya!

Hopefully I can catch a show or two while I am back there as well. If not that is not that big - I am seeing NIN in Ft Wayne in Feb anyway...

more later...

...cause if it does, fuck you! It's my place to rant, I write my poems by hand, this is my place to be a kid...
"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference." - Bill Hicks

I like my PowerMac G4 desktop, but, I miss so much having a laptop...

To quote another LJ(crackedxhalo); yeah so bob jones university (thanks marley for the link from your aim prof.) is a crazy ass cult. Well I consider all fundamentalist religions a cult, so it being a fundamentalist christian college to me it is a cult. Their rules are freakin' ridiculous. Let's see stats of the place- 3521 undergraduate students enrolled (that seems like too many right there) and then another 500 or so graduate students. 53.3% women. 93.8% White non-hispanic. They have 125 majors, from everything from bible evangelism to pre-med to saxophone. It's in South Carolina (that place is already crazy enough as it is), it seems to be about 14000 a year to go there, so basically instate tuition. One only needs a high school diploma and a love for Jesus and God to go there. Hey it's not sounding so bad now, but hmm let's look at their expectations.

No: dishonesty, lewdness, sensual behavior, adultery, homosexuality, sexual perversion of any kind, pornography, illegal use of drugs and drunknness all are clearly (clearly) codemnned by God's Word and prohibited here. Furter we believe that biblical principles preclude gambling, dancing and the beverage use of alcohol. (Sweet... guess I'm out)

Here's the dress code link, it's just ridiculous in itself, hahaha, I do think the woman part is funny, you must wear sleeves Satan's whores. http://www.bju.edu/prospective/expect/dress.html

Oh yeah, I thought triples were bad, they have quintuple rooms. You have to be in your room by 11 and lights out by midnight. 

Oh yeah no New Age, jazz, rock, country music or EVEN contemporary christian, *sigh*.
And with movies- Residence hall students may not watch videos above a G rating when visiting homes in town and may not attend movie theaters. (For what purpose does this serve except to make one ignorant of one's surroundings?)

However, all weapons must be turned in for storage. Trigger locks are required for pistols. So, I guess it's okay to have a gun as long as it's in storage, you never know when you might need it.

Hmm, I'm somewhat glad these people have a place that they want to be, but I also have a feeling that they are contributing to the degradation of human society by restricting people to ridiculous standards that reflect the ideas of power hungry fundamental religious leaders. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I guess I'm too much for the advancement of humans and moving past ideas like these, they just seem to be justifying their own ignorance and working towards staying that way.

I am thinking of UW for CompLit Minor with an Enviromental Studie Major, or, WWU Enviromental Studies Major with a History Minor

so if my math works out right, then next paycheck 150 to bills, 80 on shite, rest savings...yeah!

...the weather outside is making me remember Bellingham a great deal. I am going to go for a walk and smoke a joint, then come back home and begin work on my poppie-blossom painting (water-colours, evil, evil prof....)...more later...

"melody soaring softly through..."

functioning right now...is very hard...

to start testing the various mood icons for one that reps me stoned...

Anyway, I thought that I would post this along...
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’9 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
• You’re not as fat as you imagine.
• Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
• Do one thing everyday that scares you
• Sing
• Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
• Floss
• Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
• Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
• Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
• Stretch
• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
• Get plenty of calcium.
• Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
• Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
• Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
• Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
• Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
• Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
• Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
• Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
• Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
• Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
• Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
• Travel.
• Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
• Respect your elders.
• Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
• Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
• Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

...miss the days when I first started going out to parties, raves, doing shite. Those were fun days learning about drugs, about subcultures, ect...

Dark and Stormy - real rum (black/or dark brown) with ginger beer, and lime zest = good drink...

At home, alone, no one to call, no one calling, missing being loved, solution;
1x Pint Bombay Sapphire Dry Gin, Chilled over Rocks
2x Oxycodone 10mg, percocet
4x Hydrocodone 10mg, vicodin
...consumed over 2hrs leaves me feeling fine...guess what kind of day I have had?

SP brings be back to summers in HS with C and I cruising around drinking and smoking with Kimmy and all of them - I don't miss anyone I went to HS with, only my townies...

Well, I figured I should start posting on here agian, as I seem to need a hobby agian, and since I can't find myself to write I used to, I will go back to the good-old LiveJournal.

I don't really have much to say today, though I will say that I recalled a fond moment, when T/S/Missy/I made a snowman two years ago when we were all together, drank some beer, ate some steak, and had a generaly good time, and now...

...nothing...Missy broke them up, broke us up, broke T and I friendship up...

Thus is life I guess...

Long, long time ago, I cared about things, I cared about bigger issues then myself. I cared for a women, I cared about my future, I cared about the next month, the next year, ect. Now, I only the next day, the next week. I mean, I need to get a job, get a car, finish this AA degree, get a cell back.

I want to go back home to Washington as soon as I can, which, is looking like it is going to be in a month or two, depending on the whole job thing, I cannot wait. I dearly miss my friends; CC, M, B, I, A&R.

I am out of smokes, I am trying to stop smoking, but, that doesn't work, I will get some tomorrow. I haven't smoked herb in three days (job haunt tomorrow, never know if I am going to have to take a UA or anything). I am going to see Nickel Creek with my Father on the 23rd of Oct down in Indie which will be good...however, how to get high around him and enjoy the music...pills I guess...need to find some...

Yeah, that was some random shite, eh? Anyway, the last time I got high, I had my iPod on with Nirvana's "On a Plain" (the live, unplugged version) playing why I was outside smoking my spliff at one in the morning and looking up at the stars in the sky...it was so enjoyable, you must all do it.

I do miss doing the GenJoints with the crew...a GenJoint is as follows...Where you keep all your roaches and then roll them into a joint and once that joint is smoked, then it's a second generation joint. And once you collect enough second generation roaches, you make a third generation joint, which leaves you with a 3rd generation roach. And this process keeps going and going. Mathematicly the GenJoint system is; Requiring five spliced roaches to form a new joint implies, of course, 5^(N-1) for a generation N joint, or 625 for the generation 5 joint . A seventh generation would require 15625 green doobers, and a good bit of gullability on anyone's part to believe in...

M and I got up to a 7th generation one going...we called it the 7th Gate after that one movie. It was so coated in resine it was like smoking a gooey, warm piece of gum, but, damn did it get you high. We ended up one smoke half of it, then loading it into Bliss (my glass-spoon named after I).

Another random note, a great Cover-CD, not Cover-Song, but, CD is the DUB SIDE OF THE MOON. It is by the Easy Star All Stars. Reggae version of PF Dark side of the Moon. Very cool cd...

I found this on the 'net and thought it was rather funny...
#1 - do not blow your hit back in the bong
#2 - if you blow back in the bong, and the bowl goes flying... you need to leave the room for the rest of the session
#3 - do not jump in rotation if you missed the first pass
#4 - do not try and **** up the rotation
#5 - do not rely on other people to bring the weed
#6 - never complain about free weed
#7 - do not leave the room during a session
#8 - if you leave the room, dont expect to be let back in
#9 - do not blow your hit in someones face, contrary to common belief doing so will not give the person anything more than annoying smoke in their face
#10 - if your gonna cough, get a glass of water before you smoke
#11 - cover your mouth if your gonna cough
#12 - do try and manipulate the smoke into cool shapes when exhaling
#13 - dont be a greedy *****, leave some for the next person in rotation, they need to get high too
#14 - if you are a greedy *****, it better be because you brought the weed
#15 - dont take more than 1 hit, unless its cashed
#16 - dont jew your friends, let the next person know if you think its cashed
#17 - if you get a bowl thats cashed, you can say "didnt get anything it was cashed" ; do not say "load up another bowl, i didnt get anything"
#18 - always compliment the person who brought the weed and say thanks
#19 - hot boxing is a plus
#20 - if your hotboxing, you better sit your ***** ass down cuz your not ****ing leaving
#21 - if your drop a fat j on the floor; pick it up, pass it on, and leave the room
#22 - eat the end of a fat j, it does add to any fade you can get
#23 - if you cant hold a fat j when it gets to the end, ask someone to do it for you
#24 - do not raid the fridge without asking first
#25 - do not act like a 5 year old when your stoned
#26 - do not talk like a ****in broken record when your high
#27 - try to pass out in a descent location, not in the middle of the room
#28 - if you pass out, its up to you to wake yourself up, not anyone else
#29 - if your too stoned to drive, say so, we don't wanna die because of your stupid ass
#30 - del taco is open 24 hours
#31 - remove money from your wallet before leaving to get stoned, you dont wanna spend $100 on del taco
#32 - take a wiff of the weed before smoking, this gets you in the mood
#33 - do not try and talk to someone when they're taking a hit, they're concentrating damn it
#34 - if you know people are smoking and the door is closed, do NOT knock on it
#35 - if your not a stoner, do not try to act like one to be "cool", stoners know fellow stoners
#36 - do not call dealers at 4 am, they sleep to you know
#37 - always wash out the piece several times after cleaning
#38 - do not expect girls to bring weed, we WANT them high remember
#39 - alcohol before weed more often than not causes vomitting
#40 - tell someone if they are getting out of control, chances are they don't know
#41 - try and act calm and normal when going out in public stoned
#42 - do not flip out if you see police when driving stoned, just act calm
#43 - flipping out causes others to flip out
#44 - if someone else is driving high, dont complain
#45 - do not make stupid jokes at the del taco drive thru at 3am, they know your stoned
#46 - dennys is also open 24 hours
#47 - do not get paranoid when people stare at you when stoned
#48 - sex while high is better than regular sex
#49 - do buy trippy pictures you thought were stupid before you became a stoner
#50 - good music enhances any fade you get
#51 - do not eat healthy when stoned, 20 lbs of lettuce is the same as a bag of saltines
#52 - do not laugh when girls cough, you won't get any of you do this
#53 - do not be to pushy to get a newbie, just offer
#54 - do not smoke around people you know have a problem with weed smokers
#55 - do not smoke in plain view of the public, police do exist
#56 - do not cary large amounts of weed on you, better to be safe than sorry
#57 - airtight containers keep weed fresher than in a plastic bag
#58 - if you get a "piss your pants feeling" thats good
#59 - if your legs go numb, thats also good
#60 - it's okay to laugh when stoned
#61 - excessive annoying laughs may be asked to leave the room
#62 - do not lock the door when going to the bathroom stoned, how are people supposed to save you?
#63 - you will not wake up at 6am if you get stoned at 1am
#64 - do not plan on doing homework or any other worthwhile task after getting stoned
#65 - do not make goofy faces
#66 - do not be suprized if sober people don't find your jokes funny
#67 - pizza is expensive, stick to del taco, $1.39 quesadilla!
#68 - let one person order when faded, 10 people yelling at 1 speaker is not gonna work
#69 - repeatedly saying "im faded" is VERY annoying
#70 - a mans lighter is his sword, don't steal it
#71 - if you want to smoke, bring your own lighter
#72 - do not be shocked if your morning dump weighs half as much as you
#73 - do not use a mini-torch or you'll just waste the weed
#74 - smoking with a zippo will give you a lighter fluid taste in your mouth
#75 - do not bring a lighter with a child safety lock
#76 - if you drop the lighter in the bong play it cool and pray nobody noticed
#77 - do not rest the lighter on top of the bong
#78 - if you dont know how to light it yourself ask someone for help
#79 - girls tend to get naked faster when faded
#80 - if a girl gets faded, chances are shes not prude
#81 - do not bring fancy lighters, a simple 7*11 lighter will do
#82 - weed smells, invest in cologne
#83 - your eyes WILL get red, bring some visine
#84 - closing your eyes will cause you to trip out
#85 - it's not cool to get a man hard when he's faded and not do the minimal dick suck
#86 - if somebody smokes you out for free once and asks for money for another time you got free weed, pay
#87 - if you're an overweight chick, don't EVER take off an article of clothes...we're faded not drunk
#88 - fadedness increases horniness, it does not decrease unattractiveness
#89 - do not pass out on someones bed, where is that person gonna pass out?
#90 - bring a sleeping bag *****, it's not your house
#91 - beds are off limits, floor is free game
#92 - if you pass out at somebody's house be gone before they wake up, they don't want to wake up and see/smell your post-stoned ass
#93 - if the host catches you passed out and tells you to leave don't cry like a ***** and ask for a blanket....get the **** out
#94 - when you pass out, expect to get ****ed with
#95 - if you start grubbin' pick up after yourself, no host likes to vacuum and sweep after smoking out
#96 - if somebody is hooking you up with free weed do NOT ask to invite your friends over too, weed cost money ass
#97 - speeding in a car while faded is scary, grown men cry because of it; drive normal
#98 - MADtv is a plus when faded, just watch the actors
#99 - do not start fights when faded, you'll be lucky if you land a punch
#100 - if somebody smokes you out for free, you should supply the grub
#101 - don't beg for free weed, it'll get you nothing but a fat lip

Another random thing I found...
A is for Ashes all in my bed,
B is for Bongs "they're just better" I said.
C is for Cops and making us run,
D is for Dealers getting it done.
E is for Everyone thats making they're money,
F is for Fat joints rolled by your homie.
G is for Ganja, my very favorite plant,
H is for Herb found in my pants.
I is for Indicas and their blowing your mind,
J is for Juicy fruit and all of the kind.
K is for Kronic that tastes so damn good,
L is for Losers hanging in your neighborhood.
M is for Money buying me things,
N is for all the Numbers making your phone ring.
O is for Opiates your other close friend,
P is for Police bring your chill night to an end.
Q is for crazy Questions you ask while your high,
R is for Roaches you keep stashed near by.
S is for Sacks that smell so sweet,
T is for Tokes that knock you off your feet.
U is for Unusual shit you may see,
V is for Vanished, what could that damn thing be?
W is for Water, that never tasted so cold,
X is for eXcitement, and a shy person being bold.
Y is for Yearning for what is to come,
Z is for Zebras, cause finding them is fun!!!

So, I have been thinking as I lay here on my bed typing and browsing the internet coming down from the herb-high. There needs to be "contorled" drug dens for people to do recreational drugs in. Espically "softer" drugs. There needs to be more of what we used to do for Freshman on our "freshman fieldtrips" and how we always had a nanny for extreme substances.

Do things smarter, people! It is not hard to go the extra effort for little of safty. I don't know, I can't really explain anymore how my brain works. I need to be around more people with a brain; like home, and not here. Grr.

Anyway, I have begun following Buddhist philosophies more in more in my life. Trying to not die from all this crap around me in this state. I try and make it a poing to find every passing moment enjoyyable; thus, my view of life in a nutshell is to enjoy all that is, as it is.

In other words, things are always going to change. Nothing is permanent. I'll enjoy being high while i'm high, and then enjoy being straight while i'm straight.

All the drugs I have down, a few mess with still, those I miss, those I will never do again, I say this; Drink smartly, and smoke so damn marijuana it is better for your mind, body, and soul then you think.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

A side-note; my mother just came and told me I should listen to more of "this kind of music..."
Mum: you need to listen to more of this music.
Me: it's Bob Marely, you know that, eh?
Mum: Yep, you were better when you listend to him, Pink Flyod, that electric stuff, and things like that...like DMB and stuff...
Me: You mean, when I just smoked herb and drank very little...
Mum: Yeah, and no other drugs...it was nice...

Wtf? Another new twist. Yet again, I am still kinda high and I may be over analyzing things agian, or, rather I am indirectly in agreement with Aristole's philosophy of life. Maybe I am trying to find a new balance with my family since I stop alot of that shite, and now that I kinda-sorta have it I am over analyzing out of human nature...

I do enjoy my nightly/bi-nightly routine of waiting till everyone goes to bed and smoke a joint outside talking to someone from back home, having a smoke, then some tea and cartoons...

Great Munchie Food: Plain Cheese Pizza, SOPOM - Suagge, Olives, Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms Pizza
That is what I had today and it was great....

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sobe Green Tea, Ethnic food (Chinese food, Thai, Sushi, Jap, Mexican, Greek...) and herb...great mix!

I will post more later maybe...

I find the fact that my-brother-by-a--different-mother, the other BB (BashBoy), best friend had sex with my ex-finece(sp?) rather funny. I would think I would be pissed as hell, however, since finding out that since we split she has slept with over 13people is rather funny as well. Before we were together she had 5 past partners, now she has over 18...fucking slut! o18 in 4y....damn....

Talked to M for a while, it was good to talk to him...he is going to call me tomorrow.

I will post tomorrow as well, I am really stoned right now...